Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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