Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
