did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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