If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
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