I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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