They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Let's paint friendship bongs
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
