she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We left the knife in your bed.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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