Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
