Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize