And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
