Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
tell me about the fingering
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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