I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
