I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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