Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
