Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Your cock deserves a montage
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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