i permit you to call me
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
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