I'm drive I can fine osifer
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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