would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
