At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
