So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Randomize
