I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
