Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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