I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
