It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
