well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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