cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
