a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
