What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
