I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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