the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
