No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
