I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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