how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
