Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
