the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
