i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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