How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
