Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
