Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
third nipple confirmed
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
