Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
