shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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