I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
