i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
