Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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