Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
