He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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