i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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