U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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