Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
