Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
