she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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