Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
