found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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