I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
