There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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