Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You ruined the universe
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
