Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
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Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
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You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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