It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
