Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
