I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
they're like a gay fantastic four
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
