woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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