Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
