Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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