Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
