Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
