walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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