Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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