You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
