I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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