how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
