My friends, they love my intelligence
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
