Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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