I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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