he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
