Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
