Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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