laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
