I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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