Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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