they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
