i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
