She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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